You were waiting to become yourself. After the job. After the house. After the doubts settled. It doesn't work like that. What you essentially are is under pressure. Pressure finds the seam. The you that was waiting comes out whether you scheduled it or not. This isn't a gentle becoming. It's an eruption. What came up was already there. You were just sitting on it. The marks on this canvas are what arrived first. The rest is still on its way.